The Parent-Child Dynamic of Sex
Photo courtesy of raisingboysandgirls.com
The birds and the bees. A topic so taboo that a codename is used worldwide to shelter us from the reality of the term. The reality, which many parents understandably struggle to inform their children about, has led to a wide variety of strategies through which we came to learn about sex. These range from telling your children young and normalizing it in your house, waiting until your children are older, or not telling your children at all and having them hear about it through other means. My parents chose to go with the first option, of telling your kids when they are young. Sex will always be a sensitive topic, but in my house, it was something we came to view as more or less normal. At the dinner table, sex and other sensitive topics such as periods and forms of birth control were all discussed without a weird aura around them. These topics were only able to be discussed because my parents taught me early, an unfortunately rare approach when considering how other families have broached the subject.
Another family, who wishes to remain anonymous, discussed this topic in complete opposition to my family. When their son came to them wondering how babies are born (as most children do), his parents told him they were cut out of the mother and ended the conversation there. As he grew up, his parents continued to neglect the topic of sex and never once discussed it with him. He ended up finding out about it from his friends at school, leading to many possible misunderstandings and a flawed sense of sex. There is no right and wrong way to bring up the topic of sex to your kids. Almost no two families do it the same way. In fact, a study done in 2014 by Planned Parenthood states that 18% of families don’t tell their kids about sex, and they find out on their own. However, this can lead to an altered perception of sexual activity and norms. Children can find out from their classmates and friends who have a minimal understanding and might bring up the wrong points and ideas. Arguably scarier is the access to the internet. With all the information in the world at a naive and curious child's fingertips, there are endless negative possibilities.
If you do choose to tell your children about sex, it is important to understand a few things. The first is to not use code words. Code words and made-up names for body parts just complicates your child’s understanding, as well as adding an air of embarrassment and jokes around simple anatomy terms. Another tip is to have this conversation earlier than you would expect. As mentioned before, the internet, social media, and television give children access to this information quicker each year. This leads to “the birds and the bees” talk having to be had quicker as well. Lastly, the talk explaining sex is generally the most infamous discussion to have with your kids, but it’s not a one-time conversation to then be forgotten about. Your children should feel comfortable coming to you with any questions they have, along with having other conversations about sensitive topics independent of sex, such as practicing safe sex, what periods are, and even non sexual related topics such as drugs, alcohol, and substance abuse.
There is no correct way to ensure your kids are informed. There is no correct way to explain sex. There is no correct way to be taught about sex. And although there is no correct way, I am glad my parents chose to teach me about sex at a young age and normalize it throughout my household, helping me grow up in a sex-positive environment.
