A Peek Into Polyamory
Photo courtesy of Allure
Within our society exists the notion of the “ideal relationship” popularized in both mainstream and social media. And, while identifiers such as multi-racial and like-gendered parents already break such social standards, the taboo topic in question focuses specifically on the number of parents/adult-figures in a given household. I’m speaking, of course, about polyamory. Polyamory, otherwise known as consensual non-monogamy, is a term applied to both sexual and romantic relationship dynamics involving multiple consenting adults. This could mean anything from three individuals dating one another, one individual having a spouse they are married to while having a separate partner outside of their marriage (said relationship being one the other partner is aware of and consents to), or a cluster of people (known as a polycule) who operate within a system of romantic/sexual relationships with some or all of the members involved.
If unfamiliar with such a term, one might immediately jump to the concept of an open relationship, a dynamic in which one or both partners engaged with each other romantically desire sexual encounters outside of said relationship. And, while this may seem to align somewhat with our definition of polyamory, a key distinction between the two dynamics is that to be in a polyamorous relationship one must also be seeking a romantic connection/s outside of their current relationship in addition to a sexual connection/s (if pursuing something sexual at all). An key point brought up in the last sentence is the idea of expanding into polyamory from one’s “current relationship”, but it should be acknowledged that not all polyamorous situations are so black and white. It’s true that many polyamorous couple have a primary or main relationship with one of their partners, and branch off into other individuals to fulfill certain needs or desires. But, on the other end of the spectrum of preference, it is totally possible for multiple people to be as involved with one another as they are with a specific partner, generating an equilibrium of connection. Generally, polyamorous relationships are highly fulfilling if executed correctly, and, while additional challenges such as jealousy or lack of communication may present themselves (as a multi-faceted relationship is undoubtedly complicated), those involved in one report feeling just as if not more satisfied romantically/sexually as monogamous couples.
Polyamory may very well be a term you’ve never heard of before, as most polyamorous relationships are handled privately, otherwise facing stigma as a result of what society claims to be “the ideal relationship” (often a monogamous connection between one male and one female partner). In fact, at least 1 in 4 polyamorous individuals have reported facing some sort of discrimination in connection to their relationship status. This statistic becomes even more appalling when compared to the total number of people currently engaged in polyamorous relationships in the US, with 1 in 5 American citizens reporting to have been involved in a polyamorous dynamic at some point during their adult lives (and an entire third of the interviewed population stating their ideal relationship would be non-mongoamous to a degree). While the number of individuals who actively practice polyamory is much lower (about 1 in 20 US citizens), that still leaves over 4 million people currently facing discrimination for existing in their chosen relationship.
Pushback against polyamory is yet another example of overly rigid social traditions misrepresenting the people forced to follow them, as, even though so many are biased against the concept, interest in polyamory and the benefits it can provide its participants is on the rise. Hopefully, such standards are on their way out of the relationship scene; the skills and life experiences granted to members of a polyamorous dynamic are far more widely applicable than those gained in monogamous relationships. Polyamorous couples, if only out of necessity, are better communicators and more in-tune with the needs of their partners, most likely experiencing healthier and more fulfilling relationships than they would have otherwise. Regardless of what critics may believe, polyamory is not all about sex (certainly not all about group sex) and is not just an “easy out” for those with commitment issues. It is, in fact, beneficial to those who practice healthy polyamory, and should be celebrated if executed properly.
Society’s views on “typical relationship standards” will forever serve the sole purpose of limiting the happiness and health of the people living within it, polyamory being another example of a stigmatized practice made taboo by people who never truly understood it to begin with. In context, polyamory is hardly that “strange” of an idea, and falls into similar categories as other socially rejected dynamics such as multi-racial couple or same-sex couples. We as human beings strive to find fulfillment in life, and our happiness, however taboo it may appear through the lens of our society, is worth protecting if experienced consensually and for the betterment of ourselves and those around us.
Citations
“Polyamory.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/polyamory.
Struyk, Tara, et al. “7 Polyamorous Relationship Myths It's Time to Stop Believing.” Glamour, 1 Feb. 2018, https://www.glamour.com/story/7-polyamory-myths-its-time-to-stop-believing.