The Newest Queer Dating Trend Is…Straight, Cisgender Women?

Photo courtesy of Buzzfeed

Despite the many controversies surrounding queer dating sites in regards to the toxicity of hook-up culture or the erasure of diversity within the LGBTQIA+ community, spaces such as Grindr have always (at the very least) been fundamentally queer spaces. However, as has been demonstrated in recent years, there has been a startling uptick in the amount of straight, cisgender women that have been flocking to the platform. There is, of course, no ban on who can participate in spaces such as Grindr, as the site is (alongside gay men) populated by lesbian/bisexual women and transgender individuals (including straight, transgender women). This consistent queer sentiment does not remain true, however, when looking at these new waves of users; straight women are now popping up around every 5-10 profiles users are capable of matching with. Ironically, this has also led groups of straight, cisgender men to platforms such as Grindr, who are now in pursuit of the women populating these spaces without the fear of needing to compete with other straight men on more heteronormative sites such as Tinder. The sudden appearance of male profiles on a queer dating app with the phrase “No Men” in their Bio sections is a confusing site for consistent gay users, and has left many wondering why so many straight people have ended up on Grindr.

This heterosexual trend towards queer dating sites finds its origins in the desires of the women creating profiles on them; they are in search of specific groups of people advertised less readily on straight dating platforms. Among these social niches are two specific demographics straight women are primarily targeting, the first being gay, male friends. In search of the stereotypical “gay best friend”, many women have begun socializing with queer men on Grindr in pursuit of new, platonic companions, apparently being unable to locate their contrived perception of a gay man in real life (Hmmm, how strange). For the most part, however, women have turned to spaces like Grindr in search of bisexual man who they desire as sexual partners. The popularization of feminine-presenting men, males wearing jewelry/makeup, and commonly held notions that queer men are more emotionally open/available than straight men has led to the fetishization of bisexual men on the part of many women. These individuals are in search of a perceived stereotype; a man who is still manly and attracted to women while simultaneously embracing feminine aspects of himself. Of course, bisexual men exist on platforms other than exclusively gay dating sites, but many bisexual men/women have reported that, when on straight dating sites, they often publicly identify as straight themselves. The reason many cite for initially concealing their sexuality is comfort, as many bisexual individuals feel more comfortable identifying themselves as so when within queer spaces. Thus, straight women have moved their hunt for bisexual men to places where they may be more likely to identify publicly.

As was previously stated, there is no limiting factor on who can interact with which groups online, and that includes apps like Grindr; whether people like it or not, straight women on queer dating sites can maintain active profiles as long as they see fit to do so. What many of them do not see, however, is the potential damage they are causing the LGBTQIA+ community. For one, the active participation of heterosexual, cisgender individuals in queer spaces makes these spaces less queer, and, if the community is unable to preserve safe havens for themselves beyond the boundaries of our heteronormative society, they may be unable to continue freely expressing themselves or interacting with monogamously queer groups. More importantly, though, are the motivations behind why women are gravitating towards apps like Grindr. While there are, of course, exceptions in every scenario, what motivates most women to join queer dating sites is their stereotypical perceptions of what gay and bisexual men should be like. They are not seeking partners or friends; they are in search of romanticized, movie-esk shells of people they have fabricated and decided they desire. This sentiment removes the significance of queer mens’ identities, as it reduces them to the stereotypes assigned with them, erasing their individuality and ability to freely express themselves. The harm straight women pose to queer spaces is often not visible, but it is harm none the less, and, as you personally continue to advance throughout our global society, be sure to keep in mind the diverse social groups around you, and navigate through them in a way that does not disturb the natural balance of inclusion and acceptance they have developed for their own survival.