About Asexuality

Photo courtesy of modérne magazine

While our society has recently witnessed an explosion of interest in the topics of sex, sexual activity, and sexual health (areas of which our organization, similarly, wants most to explore), it is equally as important to therefore understand the opposite end of the sexual spectrum. Asexuality, or the general inability/lack of desire to feel sexual attraction, is yet another branch of the LGBTQIA+ community experienced by an estimated 2% of our global population. However, in a world newly divided between a lack of sexual education as opposed to social zones which have been overly sexualized, asexuality falls into a grey area often left undiscussed.

In order to talk about the sexuality though, we must understand exactly what it entails. An asexual individual is one who exists on a spectrum of attraction that includes low or even non-existent levels of sexual attraction. Usually, aces (ace being a commonly used abbreviation for those who experience a lack of sexual attraction) are perfectly capable of experiencing attraction or desiring another individual emotionally, but that is as far as their attraction goes. It is most important to remember that asexuality is not a response to a bad or traumatizing experience, something it may be presented as when portrayed incorrectly. Asexuality is as natural as homo or heterosexuality, and is simply another way for the human mind to desire and form connections with other humans. Additionally, asexuality does not mean an ace feels no sexual drive whatsoever, as such individuals may also regularly practice masturbation and achieve orgasm. Some may also partake in physical intercourse, which, while seemingly counterintuitive, allows us to observe sex through a much broader lens. Sex, while something used by many purely for pleasure, is also an emotional experience. An ace may have sex with a partner to satisfy said partner’s needs, or even because it makes them feel closer as a couple. Sex is still perfectly viable for an asexual person, meaning the one true classification of the sexuality is that it is claimed by those who experience intercourse/physical attraction in an alternate and only sometimes diminished form from that of others.

If this is your first time learning about asexuality, it may also be surprising to know that it is not a standalone corner of the LGBTQIA+ world, but in fact has two parallel sexualities. The first, aromanticism, is the direct opposite of asexuality. Aromantic individuals, unlike those that are asexual, experience reduced levels of romantic/emotional attraction, if at all, but are perfectly capable of experiencing sexual attraction. This means that one of the most popular topics of modern relationship discussion, falling in love, is unavailable to those who identify as aromantic. They may not wish to date or enter any form of relationship, at times being repulsed by those that are in relationships or that do state they experience love. It is still important to remember, though, that this aversion is not a product of something being wrong with the individual, and is equally as natural as asexuality. Asexuality and aromanticism are unique experiences for each individual person, and both can be present in a single individual at once. For example, a person may describe themselves as bisexual, when they only actually experience physical attraction towards one gender. They may also experience attraction towards another gender, but may lack either the emotional or physical component of what we may perceive “normal” attraction to be. As an example, a bisexual man may experience physical and emotional attraction towards other men, but is only capable of forming an emotional connection with women. A bisexual woman, on the other hand, may experience both forms of connection with a man, but only be physically attracted to women. While this leads to the creation of other terms such as bi and panromantic, some may choose to simply identify as bisexual, meaning we must always consider the complexity and variety of individual attraction when discussing such matters.

The second paralleled group consists of those that identify as demisexual. Demisexuality may initially translate as aesxuality in day to day life, as it is also classified by a lack of sexual attraction to other individuals. Where demisexuality differs, however, is in how sexual attraction relates to emotional attraction. A demisexual individual is capable of experiencing sexual attraction, but only under the condition that they have first formed a significant emotional bond with the object of their attraction. So, a demisexual person may search for a relationship without feeling the need to engage in sexual activity, only feeling that desire once they have formed and laid the foundation for an emotional connection.

Much of our shared perception of asexuality as well as that of ace individuals is derived from the internet, which, in most cases, is further influenced by general biases we have towards the topic of sex. For those that would describe themselves as sexually restrictive, asexuality is a completely alien topic. For those that are overly sex-positive or sexually obsessed, though, ace individuals receive an increasingly bad rap. A lack of understanding of the sexuality leads to some being classified as “prudes”, “old fashioned”, or as “judgemental” in regards to others’ sexual activity. We now exist in a world where younger generations are far more open to sex as a whole, one negative side effect being that those who bear an innate aversion to the topic face abuse at the hands of others. Consistent with themes of “fitting in” or, more specifically, “not standing out”, which are often found in media directed towards younger individuals, those that are unwilling or unable to partake in new trends, whether they be progressive or not, are labeled as outsiders.

And so, as we move forward into a more progressive and open age of sexual discussion, we must keep in mind that each and every form of attraction is as relevant as that which is embraced in mainstream media and conversation. The desire and drive for sex is something that should be celebrated and properly educated on, and the same goes for the natural lack of that desire as well. Restricted attraction occupies a vast spectrum, so, when thinking about asexual, aromantic, or demisexual individuals in the future, remember their type of attraction is just as diverse and specific as anyone else’s.

Citations:

“Asexual.” The Trevor Project, 7 Oct. 2020, www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/.“FAQ.” AUREA, www.aromanticism.org/en/faq.

“Demisexuality Resource Center.” Resources for Demisexuals, Partners, and Allies, demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-demisexuality/.